Who Knew Far Far Away Was Over the Tobin Bridge?
by serenelystrange
Summary: In which Eliot is kinda like Shrek... At least according to Parker.  Just a bit of fun folks. Minor spoilers for the Studio Job.


A/N – I was watching Shrek... and it occurred to me that Eliot is a lot like Shrek.. and then this happened. Honestly, there's no real point to this, lol. Also... the Tobin bridge is real, and in Boston. In case you didnt know, :)

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"It's a dumb title," Eliot groused as Hardison's fingers flew over the keys of his laptop in their familiar blur.

Hardison rolled his eyes without bothering to turn and look at the other man, "You just can't appreciate a good play on words."

Eliot snorted, "'Shrek Goes Fourth' hardly qualifies as a play on words, never mind a good one."

"Why you gotta hate, man?" Hardison shook his head sadly, scanning the upcoming show times.

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"He's just grumpy because Kaye Lynn went off to be a superstar and left him with regrets about his past with Aimee and doubts about his present and future with us."

Both men turned their heads to stare dumbly at Parker, who had appeared out of nowhere, as usual.

"What?" she shrugged, "Sophie's been teaching me things."

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Before either man could reply, the door opened again and Nate walked in, casting the three an only mildly annoyed look as he headed for the fridge.

"You know," he said, almost conversationally, "I'm back now. So this all," he paused to wave his hands around dramatically, "Is my home again, even if Hardison felt the need to... redecorate. Don't you guys have anywhere else to hang out?"

All that met him in response were three blank stares and silence.

Nate sighed, "Ok then. I'll just be downstairs, going over our potential clients."

"Ooh!" Parker bounced excitedly, startling all three men in the room. "I have a potential client to talk to you about! I'll come with you."

Wide eyed, Nate just nodded to Parker and motioned for her to go on ahead, before exchanging bewildered glances with Eliot and Hardison as he followed her out.

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"Well that was...different," Hardison said as he spun in his computer chair to face Eliot.

"Yeah," came Eliot's completely intellectual, thank you very much, reply.

Hardison shook his head again, "Anyway," he said, "Have you even seen any of the Shrek movies?"

Eliot glared, "Do I look like a five year old, Hardison?"

Hardison grinned, "Well... you do wear your hair in that little half ponytail a lot..."

"Dammit Ha.." Eliot began, but Hardison was still rambling.

"Not that it's necessarily a bad look, or anything, I mean, it's just a little, I dunno, girlie. In fact, this girl I used to know called Sammy, she wore her hair like that all the time, but man, she was hot. Like HAWT, hot, ya know? And she had this bellybutton ring... and man, normally piercings don't really do anything for me, but this girl... man, I wonder where she ever ended up..."

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"HARDISON!" Eliot yelled, effectively shutting the rambling man up.

"Yeah?" Hardison replied, looking up at the irate Eliot with feigned innocence.

Eliot just raised an eyebrow slowly, maintaining his glare.

"You know that doesn't scare me anymore, right?" Hardison laughed, spinning back to face his laptop again.

Eliot sighed. "Yeah, I know," he admitted, "Dammit."

"But hey," Hardison spun around again, "It used to scare me. Hell, first time I saw you drop all those guards before I even dropped my gear bag... man, if you hadn't been on my side, I would've run like hell. I still almost ran like hell."

"Yeah?" Eliot grinned slightly.

Hardison nodded, "Definitely."

Eliot grinned full on for a moment before he hurried to turn his expression into the smirk he usually wore.

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Parker chose that moment to burst back into the apartment, still decidedly bouncy. Nate was nowhere to be seen.

"So we have a new job?" Hardison asked.

Parker shook her head, "Not yet, but soon. Nate thinks it's a good idea, but we can't start until Monday."

"Why not?" Eliot questioned, crossing his arms as he awaited her response.

"Because schools aren't open on weekends, silly," Parker grinned.

"Oh, hell nah," Hardison protested, "One job in a school was enough! I like kids and all... but that place was a logistical nightmare!"

"What do you know about logistics?" Eliot snorted.

"I'll show you logistics..." Hardison threatened, even as he realized how lame it sounded as it came out of his mouth.

"Boys," Parker reprimanded, "Don't worry about it. We're gonna have a meeting tomorrow to talk about it. Today, we're going to catch Eliot up on the first three Shrek movies."

"We are?" Eliot and Hardison replied in sync.

Parker nodded, "Yep. I'll get the cereal."

Hardison looked to Eliot, bewildered, but the other man just shrugged. He didn't have anything else to do with his day.

Hardison just spun around one last time to shut down his laptop. It was movie time.

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"He's an ogre."

Hardison sighed, "Yes, Eliot, Shrek is an ogre. Who doesn't know that?"

"I told you, I don't have a T.V." Eliot growled.

"And I told you, even dead people have !" Hardison exclaimed.

Parker huffed in frustration from her position between them on the couch, "Shut up, both of you, I want to see how the donkey gets away from the bad woman."

"You've seen the movie, mama, you know what happens," Hardison explained gently.

Parker crossed her arms defiantly, "It's magic," she insisted, "It could change."

Eliot just snorted.

Hardison leaned in to whisper to Eliot, "remind me never to let her watch Harry Potter."

Eliot snorted again. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

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"Aw man," Eliot found himself wrapped up in the movie, "She's an ogre too! This can't end well."

Parker leaned closer to Eliot, patting him gently on the knee, "It's OK Eliot, it's only a movie."

Eliot glared, "I know it's only a... dammit Parker!"

Parker just giggled.

.

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"You know," Hardison mused as the credits rolled, "Eliot is a lot like Shrek."

"I am not!" Eliot protested, glaring yet again.

"Hmm," Parker considered, "No, Hardison is right. You're definitely like Shrek. Cause you're all burly and growly and 'grrr, I'm an _ogre!' _But we all know you're just a kitten underneath all the grumpiness."

"Did you just call Eliot a kitten?" Hardison asked in disbelief. Honestly, the girl had no common sense sometimes.

"It suits him," Parker grinned, "After all, he is always purring."

Hardison just gaped as he noted Eliot's face growing redder and redder.

"Now now," Hardison got his act together enough to try and soothe things over, "Eliot does not purr. He growls. It's very... manly... and umm, not kittenish at all."

Eliot remained silent, which scared Hardison more than he cared to admit.

Parker was, as usual, either oblivious or unconcerned to Eliot's mood.

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"And!" Parker yelled out triumphantly as another thought occurred to her, "Eliot is like Shrek because he has _layers. _Just like Shrek has layers. He can kill us all with his pinky, but he can also grow vegetables and crotchet. Just like Shrek can defeat a dragon, but he can also love Fiona and Donkey. They both have layers. Which I guess also means Eliot is like an onion, but he smells much nicer than an onion, so that's ok."

They both stared at Parker for a long moment. Usually it was Hardison who rambled on without a breath.

"You crotchet?" Hardison finally asked Eliot in surprise, no longer concerned with the other man's anger. If he hadn't snapped by now, he wasn't going to.

"I have many skills," Eliot responded calmly, squirming slightly when Parker made herself more comfortable against his side.

"There's a whole couch," he made a face at her, "Go invade Hardison's personal space."

"Fine," Parker huffed, before scootching over to rest against Hardison's shoulder instead. "You smell better than an onion, too," she said.

"Thank you?" Hardison replied, not entirely sure if it was a compliment or not.

"You're welcome," Parker replied, stretching her feet out over the coffee table. "Now put the second one on, it's my favorite."

Hardison smiled, "As you wish, mama."

Eliot rolled his eyes yet again as the movie began. But he found himself smiling against his will, completely at ease with his friends, crazy as they may be.

Parker's new job was sure to be a new and insane adventure, so for now he didn't mind sitting back and watching the trials of an ogre and his motley crew.

THE END.

A/N – No, this has no real point. And yes, I do intend to write the Parker school adventure. :)


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